Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Looking Back and Moving Forward

Happy New Year!

2012 was a difficult year for me.  It seemed like it was filled with a lot of downs and only a few ups.  I made my resolutions, and of course, a week later, promptly forgot all of them... except one.  The entire year was focused on one goal... to become a mother.

It was a year full of frustration, waiting, trying, and disappointments.  But between all the downs, there was strength, learning, growth and love.  And of course, towards the end of the year, we were lucky to be able to witness the accomplishment of that goal (well, sort of).

I look back on my feelings a year ago today.  I was not excited for 2012.  I still felt beaten down from 2011.  I looked forward to 2012 with negativity, wondering what bad things were going to happen that year.  I was filled with fear that my biggest desire would not happen once again.  Yes, it was a difficult year.  But it's a year I never want to forget.  I never want to forget the lessons I learned and the change I went through.

-I learned that no matter how low I get, D will always be there to stand by me and lift me up.
-We both learned how to communicate better and listen better
-We learned how to rely entirely on each other even when the people around us seem less than supportive
-I learned about letting go and just trusting that everything will turn out for the best (I'm still working on this, but I've made a great start)
-I learned about true friendship
-I learned that I can trust myself and take charge of my own happiness
-I learned that life is a lot better if I forgive, even if I've been hurt deeply
-I learned that it is possible for the deepest sorrow and hurt to be replaced by pure joy

Oh what a difference a year makes!  This year, as I rang in the New Year alone in my quiet apartment as my poor, sick husband slept peacefully in our bedroom, I looked forward to the future with hope.  With excitement and anticipation.  I know that 2013 will have it's ups and downs like every year, but I am determined to cherish the good times and not dwell on the bad.  That is my one and only goal for 2013.

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